I am entering into a new system without a wife and the everyday luxery of hanging with my kids. and even though i am very much concerned that my daughters will subjegateted to many men who will act out of charactor and speak lieas and are generally untrustwothy just to get what they wnat. it pisses me off. especially scene as my oldest daughter wants to live with me and not her mother. its totoal bullshit. i supported her for 9 yrs, payed for her college, gave her a home, everything she ever wanted all based on faith and love. and now, and now i am being dumped by the only woman i ever loved, the only woman i ever had, and not given just one more chance. she feels uncomfortable in the home that i had built for us when i am present. whoever said "to have known love and lost is better than those than have never known it" is full of shit!
So, here i sit, ready, for the next woman in my life to accept me for what i am- how i look- forever scarred by loss of limb, and even though i can get to the paralympics i have everyday challenges that i concor with grace and dignity. wondering if i would ever again find someone to love me. and at the ssame time, asking myself why do i feel the need to be loved, am i not stoic enough to pass these emotions, no. i am a romantic. and you know what?.. its scary.
My world is empty.
from what i learned, i can not accept help, i am a non conformist, and just by being labeled like that, i chose to ignpre that. i am asking for help, am ready to conform... to some things. i am conflicted. confused. weak. but my heart is beating stronger than ever before, because now i know, i understand, what love is ALL about, evry in every out, every day, every way, to appreciate, to support, if anything for all i have given, all that i gave is still all that much stronger with the addition of experience instead of young love.
with this divorce, i have become the total package. you want protection, i have it. you want love, i have it in handfuls, you want passion- come in and experience it, you want solidarity- over time you will see it. you want a best friend, a confidant, i am the shoulder to lean on. you want a finaial supporter, thats me. you want what? i am almost sure i can meet it. thanks to this divorce, i have become the complete man, love, passion, dedication, protector, father extradonaire, perhaps i am being a little bit conceeded, which i dont like to be, but i feel like i deserve to let the world to know that i am here, i have a voice, and it whispers exactly what you want to hear in your adorned ears and the fortitude to be genuine and follow through, to show truth, candor, competence, commitment.
i look very forward to giving love again, it makes me feel so awesome to give, to give everything, to sacrifice.
JERSEY
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Vindictive avenger ninja cop
imagine all the people chilling around the world,"you may say I'm i m a dreamer and i well live as one".--john lennon. The reason I never went into law, was, I couldnt feel right pulling over speeders. The home invaders, the rapists, the wife beaters, etc would end up with months of physical rehab. Steve Wilkos aint got shit on me. no quarter given. I would have no hestation for suicidal homicidal Maniacs.
i woud choke them one throat at a time, shoot them in the joints. And i wouldnt give a flying fuck---rH, enter butt stroke.
i woud choke them one throat at a time, shoot them in the joints. And i wouldnt give a flying fuck---rH, enter butt stroke.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
My 1st rambling..
I often think about the past and apply some of its princeapples, ha ha, to the present in order to predict the future of society and its path. Is it it me or did the world at times of peace seem to be when more war movies where out. Is it me or do most adages just don't add up to a hill of beans anymore? What is wrong with kids these days, all they listen to is rap and less than rap.
When is, no pen is, a good thing? When you are a trans-sexual male. WTF!! How how we gone to hanging "niggers" in public to allowing this only the span of 60 yrs. So i bring u this.
When all we do is capitalize on free markets and only the first word of a paragraph, have we not come to a world where rules and princeapples, haha, are changing? Is it me or is this an indication of the future. Are we to morph into cyber-peoples. And what of the ever changing religious populations. Are we supposed to pretend that some people have idiotic ideology's of the supernatural or just accept it and set aside our own beliefs, or just become agnostic or atheist. idk anymore. Effeciency. wisdom.
note:
-notice the use of punctuation. c how it changes your outlook.
Once we get to the point of maximum efficiency in communications, are we not just going to decide to come up with more and more and more ways gain access into the social, political, and economic mediums. "The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."
Famous Inspirational Quote by Albert Ellis .
Who the fuck is albert ellis and why the fuck do i care and why the fuck should i listen to this smoodge and why the fuck am i still reading this garbage--fucking google it asshole! (one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary paradigm shift in psychotherapy and the founder of cognitive-behavioral therapies-wiki) THATS WHY MF-ER!
I digress. Or Regress. Let me redress the issue here (rap). Is it me or is it saying that I, me, am in the best yrs of my life? He is. And all of you out there in my fluctuating, chaotic, wonderful world all have a part in it. And i love that. And you can have the same view as me if you so choose. Because its your choice. Yours alone. But if your actions beget another mortal, why then you are labeled, heathen or philantropist!
Have a brutally awesome day!
When is, no pen is, a good thing? When you are a trans-sexual male. WTF!! How how we gone to hanging "niggers" in public to allowing this only the span of 60 yrs. So i bring u this.
When all we do is capitalize on free markets and only the first word of a paragraph, have we not come to a world where rules and princeapples, haha, are changing? Is it me or is this an indication of the future. Are we to morph into cyber-peoples. And what of the ever changing religious populations. Are we supposed to pretend that some people have idiotic ideology's of the supernatural or just accept it and set aside our own beliefs, or just become agnostic or atheist. idk anymore. Effeciency. wisdom.
note:
-notice the use of punctuation. c how it changes your outlook.
Once we get to the point of maximum efficiency in communications, are we not just going to decide to come up with more and more and more ways gain access into the social, political, and economic mediums. "The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."
Famous Inspirational Quote by Albert Ellis .
Who the fuck is albert ellis and why the fuck do i care and why the fuck should i listen to this smoodge and why the fuck am i still reading this garbage--fucking google it asshole! (one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary paradigm shift in psychotherapy and the founder of cognitive-behavioral therapies-wiki) THATS WHY MF-ER!
I digress. Or Regress. Let me redress the issue here (rap). Is it me or is it saying that I, me, am in the best yrs of my life? He is. And all of you out there in my fluctuating, chaotic, wonderful world all have a part in it. And i love that. And you can have the same view as me if you so choose. Because its your choice. Yours alone. But if your actions beget another mortal, why then you are labeled, heathen or philantropist!
Have a brutally awesome day!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Bp oil realities, Michio Kaku
I Love the discover channels and their science shows. This is how I was introduced to the very afflunent Michio Kaku. Doing what I can for nature, I thought I'd share his view on the BP spill. I think you will find it interesting and enjoyable to read. May your day be filled with bliss.
What We’ve Learned from the Gulf Spill (WSJ Op-Ed)
Posted: 26 Jul 2010 05:45 PM PDT
WSJ Opinion Editorial (Originally Published on July 19th)
What We’ve Learned from the Gulf Spill
In the future, relief wells should be drilled simultaneously with the main well.
by Michio Kaku
If the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico were a tragedy, it would be in three acts. In Act I, there was the chaos caused by a methane explosion that killed 11 workers and unleashed the greatest environmental catastrophe in U.S. history. In Act II, we saw the floundering of BP officials, as eight failed attempts were made to cap, siphon, stuff, smother or seal the leak.
We are now slowly entering Act III, where engineers have painfully learned some valuable lessons and are on the verge of slowly killing this raging monster.
The nagging question is: Why did it take so long? Why couldn’t they have capped the leak months ago?
For three agonizing months, BP’s engineers and executives were essentially making things up as they went along, conducting a billion dollar science project with the American people as guinea pigs. The basic science of stopping oil leaks at 5,000 feet below sea level should have been done years ago.
All eight failed attempts to control the leak might have worked if the blowout had taken place at 200 feet. The 1979 Ixtoc oil leak in Mexico, which was the mother of all oil disasters, took place at 160 feet and raged for 10 months. It was eventually stopped by a relief well. The lessons learned from that and other oil disasters gave confidence to engineers in the industry that they could handle any leak.
Physics are different at 5,000 feet than they are at 200 feet. The pressure at 5,000 feet is enormous, about 2,000 pounds per square inch. Think of placing a passenger car on every square inch of your chest. You would be crushed like an egg shell within a fraction of a second. Even military submarines cannot operate at those depths. Instead, special remote controlled robotic subs are required. They are often hard to control and sometimes even collide.
Furthermore, methane, which is found as a gas in our kitchen stoves, solidifies into an ice-like hydrate at those tremendous depths and cold temperatures. The original explosion, it is conjectured, was caused when heat was applied to set the well’s cement seal, expanding the methane hydrates into gas that shot up the riser pipe and ignited. The presence of methane hydrates also foiled the first attempt to cap the leak. Later, BP engineers had greater success by sending warm water down the pipe to prevent methane hydrates from clogging it without creating gas bubbles like the one that caused the explosion.
BP officials initially low-balled the size of the leak. Although they originally stated that 1,000 barrels of oil were leaking per day, they also released video that gave a startlingly different picture.
In our freshman physics courses we teach the students that the flow rate from a pipe is the product of the area of the pipe times the velocity of the fluid. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to multiply these two numbers. Even a simple back-of-the-envelope estimate of the leak from watching the video will give you estimates of 40,000 to 60,000 barrels of oil per day. Did BP officials knowingly release misleadingly low figures, perhaps because they can be fined more than $4,000 per barrel by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency?
In the future there should be much tighter controls on deep-water drilling, and there should be redundant systems on hand so that the well can be capped or siphoned immediately if the blowout preventer fails. Perhaps relief wells should be drilled simultaneously with the main well, since they are the gold standard for stopping oil leaks and work nearly without fail. There also has to be a standby fleet of ships with skimmers, centrifugal pumps and booms ready to handle oil once it is leaked.
More importantly, the basic science of plugging oil leaks at great depths has to be completed, so that any future tragedies will not be repeated as farce. Until we end our oil addiction and develop alternative energy sources, similar plotlines will no doubt recur.
The end.
What We’ve Learned from the Gulf Spill (WSJ Op-Ed)
Posted: 26 Jul 2010 05:45 PM PDT
WSJ Opinion Editorial (Originally Published on July 19th)
What We’ve Learned from the Gulf Spill
In the future, relief wells should be drilled simultaneously with the main well.
by Michio Kaku
If the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico were a tragedy, it would be in three acts. In Act I, there was the chaos caused by a methane explosion that killed 11 workers and unleashed the greatest environmental catastrophe in U.S. history. In Act II, we saw the floundering of BP officials, as eight failed attempts were made to cap, siphon, stuff, smother or seal the leak.
We are now slowly entering Act III, where engineers have painfully learned some valuable lessons and are on the verge of slowly killing this raging monster.
The nagging question is: Why did it take so long? Why couldn’t they have capped the leak months ago?
For three agonizing months, BP’s engineers and executives were essentially making things up as they went along, conducting a billion dollar science project with the American people as guinea pigs. The basic science of stopping oil leaks at 5,000 feet below sea level should have been done years ago.
All eight failed attempts to control the leak might have worked if the blowout had taken place at 200 feet. The 1979 Ixtoc oil leak in Mexico, which was the mother of all oil disasters, took place at 160 feet and raged for 10 months. It was eventually stopped by a relief well. The lessons learned from that and other oil disasters gave confidence to engineers in the industry that they could handle any leak.
Physics are different at 5,000 feet than they are at 200 feet. The pressure at 5,000 feet is enormous, about 2,000 pounds per square inch. Think of placing a passenger car on every square inch of your chest. You would be crushed like an egg shell within a fraction of a second. Even military submarines cannot operate at those depths. Instead, special remote controlled robotic subs are required. They are often hard to control and sometimes even collide.
Furthermore, methane, which is found as a gas in our kitchen stoves, solidifies into an ice-like hydrate at those tremendous depths and cold temperatures. The original explosion, it is conjectured, was caused when heat was applied to set the well’s cement seal, expanding the methane hydrates into gas that shot up the riser pipe and ignited. The presence of methane hydrates also foiled the first attempt to cap the leak. Later, BP engineers had greater success by sending warm water down the pipe to prevent methane hydrates from clogging it without creating gas bubbles like the one that caused the explosion.
BP officials initially low-balled the size of the leak. Although they originally stated that 1,000 barrels of oil were leaking per day, they also released video that gave a startlingly different picture.
In our freshman physics courses we teach the students that the flow rate from a pipe is the product of the area of the pipe times the velocity of the fluid. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to multiply these two numbers. Even a simple back-of-the-envelope estimate of the leak from watching the video will give you estimates of 40,000 to 60,000 barrels of oil per day. Did BP officials knowingly release misleadingly low figures, perhaps because they can be fined more than $4,000 per barrel by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency?
In the future there should be much tighter controls on deep-water drilling, and there should be redundant systems on hand so that the well can be capped or siphoned immediately if the blowout preventer fails. Perhaps relief wells should be drilled simultaneously with the main well, since they are the gold standard for stopping oil leaks and work nearly without fail. There also has to be a standby fleet of ships with skimmers, centrifugal pumps and booms ready to handle oil once it is leaked.
More importantly, the basic science of plugging oil leaks at great depths has to be completed, so that any future tragedies will not be repeated as farce. Until we end our oil addiction and develop alternative energy sources, similar plotlines will no doubt recur.
The end.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Juliet, My ego fails me
First I would like to give those of you who don’t know what the id, ego, and superego is a brief definition.
THE ID: functions in the irrational and emotional part of the mind. At birth a baby’s mind is all Id - want want want. The Id is the primitive mind. It contains all the basic needs and feelings. It is the source for libido (psychic energy). And it has only one rule --> the pleasure principle I: I want it and I want it all now. In transactional analysis, Id equates to "Child".
Id too strong = bound up in self-gratification and uncaring to others
THE EGO: functions with the rational part of the mind. The Ego develops out of growing awareness that you can't always get what you want. The Ego relates to the real world and operates via the reality principle. The Ego realizes the need for compromise and negotiates between the Id and the Superego. The Ego's job is to get the Id's pleasures but to be reasonable and bear the long-term consequences in mind. The Ego denies both instant gratification and pious delaying of gratification. The term ego-strength is the term used to refer to how well the ego copes with these conflicting forces. To undertake its work of planning, thinking and controlling the Id, the Ego uses some of the Id's libidinal energy. In transactional analysis, Ego equates to "Adult".
Ego too strong = extremely rational and efficient, but cold, boring and distant
THE SUPEREGO: The Superego is the last part of the mind to develop. It might be called the moral part of the mind. The Superego becomes an embodiment of parental and societal values. It stores and enforces rules. It constantly strives for perfection, even though this perfection ideal may be quite far from reality or possibility. Its power to enforce rules comes from its ability to create anxiety.
The Superego has two subsystems: Ego Ideal and Conscience. The Ego Ideal provides rules for good behaviors, and standards of excellence towards which the Ego must strive. The Ego ideal is basically what the child’s parents approve of or value. The Conscience is the rules about what constitutes bad behavior. The Conscience is basically all those things that the child feels mum or dad will disapprove of or punish.
Superego too strong = feels guilty all the time, may even have an insufferably saintly personality. Source http://wilderdom.com/personality/L8-4StructureMindIdEgoSuperego.html
I failed to realize exactly what I was doing while arguing with someone last night. And I let me id have too much, my ego was lacking, and my super ego has only made my night and morning dreadful. So, any who, I would like to apologize to that person for what transpired. I am only human. A human who has flaws, some good, some bad, others well intentioned, and others yet unrealized. So as I sit her listening to classical piano,irony sets in. Montagues and Capulets--By Josef Bulva, composed by Sergei Prokofiew playsheavy in my ears. I think it only fitting that my Juliet fall back into my arms so that I may peer into her soul and re-establish the love I have for her.
The End
THE ID: functions in the irrational and emotional part of the mind. At birth a baby’s mind is all Id - want want want. The Id is the primitive mind. It contains all the basic needs and feelings. It is the source for libido (psychic energy). And it has only one rule --> the pleasure principle I: I want it and I want it all now. In transactional analysis, Id equates to "Child".
Id too strong = bound up in self-gratification and uncaring to others
THE EGO: functions with the rational part of the mind. The Ego develops out of growing awareness that you can't always get what you want. The Ego relates to the real world and operates via the reality principle. The Ego realizes the need for compromise and negotiates between the Id and the Superego. The Ego's job is to get the Id's pleasures but to be reasonable and bear the long-term consequences in mind. The Ego denies both instant gratification and pious delaying of gratification. The term ego-strength is the term used to refer to how well the ego copes with these conflicting forces. To undertake its work of planning, thinking and controlling the Id, the Ego uses some of the Id's libidinal energy. In transactional analysis, Ego equates to "Adult".
Ego too strong = extremely rational and efficient, but cold, boring and distant
THE SUPEREGO: The Superego is the last part of the mind to develop. It might be called the moral part of the mind. The Superego becomes an embodiment of parental and societal values. It stores and enforces rules. It constantly strives for perfection, even though this perfection ideal may be quite far from reality or possibility. Its power to enforce rules comes from its ability to create anxiety.
The Superego has two subsystems: Ego Ideal and Conscience. The Ego Ideal provides rules for good behaviors, and standards of excellence towards which the Ego must strive. The Ego ideal is basically what the child’s parents approve of or value. The Conscience is the rules about what constitutes bad behavior. The Conscience is basically all those things that the child feels mum or dad will disapprove of or punish.
Superego too strong = feels guilty all the time, may even have an insufferably saintly personality. Source http://wilderdom.com/personality/L8-4StructureMindIdEgoSuperego.html
I failed to realize exactly what I was doing while arguing with someone last night. And I let me id have too much, my ego was lacking, and my super ego has only made my night and morning dreadful. So, any who, I would like to apologize to that person for what transpired. I am only human. A human who has flaws, some good, some bad, others well intentioned, and others yet unrealized. So as I sit her listening to classical piano,irony sets in. Montagues and Capulets--By Josef Bulva, composed by Sergei Prokofiew playsheavy in my ears. I think it only fitting that my Juliet fall back into my arms so that I may peer into her soul and re-establish the love I have for her.
The End
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