I am entering into a new system without a wife and the everyday luxery of hanging with my kids. and even though i am very much concerned that my daughters will subjegateted to many men who will act out of charactor and speak lieas and are generally untrustwothy just to get what they wnat. it pisses me off. especially scene as my oldest daughter wants to live with me and not her mother. its totoal bullshit. i supported her for 9 yrs, payed for her college, gave her a home, everything she ever wanted all based on faith and love. and now, and now i am being dumped by the only woman i ever loved, the only woman i ever had, and not given just one more chance. she feels uncomfortable in the home that i had built for us when i am present. whoever said "to have known love and lost is better than those than have never known it" is full of shit!
So, here i sit, ready, for the next woman in my life to accept me for what i am- how i look- forever scarred by loss of limb, and even though i can get to the paralympics i have everyday challenges that i concor with grace and dignity. wondering if i would ever again find someone to love me. and at the ssame time, asking myself why do i feel the need to be loved, am i not stoic enough to pass these emotions, no. i am a romantic. and you know what?.. its scary.
My world is empty.
from what i learned, i can not accept help, i am a non conformist, and just by being labeled like that, i chose to ignpre that. i am asking for help, am ready to conform... to some things. i am conflicted. confused. weak. but my heart is beating stronger than ever before, because now i know, i understand, what love is ALL about, evry in every out, every day, every way, to appreciate, to support, if anything for all i have given, all that i gave is still all that much stronger with the addition of experience instead of young love.
with this divorce, i have become the total package. you want protection, i have it. you want love, i have it in handfuls, you want passion- come in and experience it, you want solidarity- over time you will see it. you want a best friend, a confidant, i am the shoulder to lean on. you want a finaial supporter, thats me. you want what? i am almost sure i can meet it. thanks to this divorce, i have become the complete man, love, passion, dedication, protector, father extradonaire, perhaps i am being a little bit conceeded, which i dont like to be, but i feel like i deserve to let the world to know that i am here, i have a voice, and it whispers exactly what you want to hear in your adorned ears and the fortitude to be genuine and follow through, to show truth, candor, competence, commitment.
i look very forward to giving love again, it makes me feel so awesome to give, to give everything, to sacrifice.
